Anal play

I thought I'd write the about the grand old subject of anal tonight. Heterosexual anal play in this case. A practice that transcends far out from just BDSM games. This is practised by millions. Some with partners and some alone while masturbating. There is a deep secrecy in it to most. I'm guessing here, but I think most men who practice it do it quietly and would never admit it. We've all had well oiled mates at the bar waxing lyrical about his last blow job haven't we, but when do you last see a guy with a pint of Guinness in his hand saying "cor the Missus didn't half give me a good pegging last night". Never eh?

The reason for this is all too sadly obvious. 'If you take it up the arse you're a poof ain't ya?'  You'll never explain it to people who have that mentality and those of us that practice anal know that. Even if you get them to partially understand it, half will then say "nah; you're just suppressing your true sexuality, you're gay and you won't admit it."  If I was gay I'd tell you. It would be too much effort to suppress it. Too much like hard work. So we just chip on enjoying ourselves, safe in the knowledge that some of those that criticise are sitting deep on a butt plug masturbating in silence.

I first got into this in a completely non BDSM way. I was in an early years relationship with a girl who thoroughly enjoyed anal sex. Now I know to a lot of guys that is the idea of heaven, but for me it wasn't. I didn't enjoy it. My sexual submissiveness is nature not nurture. In normal vanilla sex I prefer all the more male submissive things during it. I prefer to not be on top during intercourse. I like giving oral. I always engineer a situation where I can give oral while on my knees and I'm not overly keen to receive oral. Giving Anal in my mind is a very dominant act and I just don't want to do it. Louise (not her real name) was a very sexual person, so it was easy to talk to her. In one conversation she said to me that in her opinion men were better equipped to enjoy anal than women. I've always been open minded so I was eager to find out. She was more than happy to try and from that moment on I was hooked. It was in the 80's and strap ons were not as popular but we/I had great fun learning something new with normal sex toys. Like all relationships though they can't survive on just sex and eventually we parted. Since then I've only engaged in anal play in the BDSM sense. In subsequent relationships and marriages I've chosen to say nothing, nor ever suggest it.

I can't take the huge toys. The photo above is part of Eliza's vast collection; I'm capable of none of them. However Eliza is 'stretching' my limits and I'm currently capable of taking the one in the picture below. Known to me simply as 'the white one'. It fills me and is still very testing. When I'm laying on my back it's heavenly, but it's still very tight if I'm on all fours. (Bent forward). I'm banned by Mistress from using poppers either in session or when masturbating but I've learned to relax to a degree without them. I should point out here that the poppers ban is unique to me, not to all who she commands.

I enjoy everything I get do in a session with Eliza (obviously not punishment) I love the CP when it's about my Mistress' pleasure, I enjoy the sounds that I'm learning to take, the electrics can be fun etc etc etc, but beyond any doubt what I yearn for most is anal and watersports.

Mistress is superb at anal. When I'm told to lay on my back and I know it's coming I'm overjoyed. It always starts with her finger probing me, with it rubbing on my prostate. Then often I'm stretched with the inflatable butt plug as in the picture above, and then the best bit, when I'm taken with the strap on. This happens in all manners, from the sublimely slow penetration with me on my back to the grit my teeth and take it hard and fast with me bent forward.

I'll nip back to the prostate now. What a fun filled little walnut that is. The stimulation of it feels wonderful. I read a lot about prostate massage and milking. As of yet nobody has made me orgasm from prostate stimulation alone. By that I mean no penis stimulation at all, I've obviously achieved it in the joint effect. I'm also confused about prostate only orgasm, as I read many conflicting articles. They range from it being more frustrating than a ruined orgasm all the way to it being the most mind blowing orgasm you'll ever have. If you've experienced it please say how it was for you in the comments. I'll be interested to see.

Well that's about it on this subject for now; keep lubed up everyone and remember what a drunk friend of mine said when the bar talk came to the age old question of "would you take it up the arse for £10k?"  His reply. "Hell yeah; how much can it hurt!"

Watersports

Firstly I must apologise for the lack of the chastity post I promised. Chastity is so new to me and Eliza has recently put me on a tougher schedule. Since that my views, opinions and outlook to chastity have moved on exponentially and my draft copy of that blog post is a jumbled confused mess. I'll revisit it sometime in the future.

In stark contrast I'll write today about something I have no confusion over at all. It's watersports. I know exactly where my mind stands on this subject. It started though in an odd way.

Some 20 years or so ago I ventured to the south of the capital for a session in Hither Green. The session was very average right up to the end when I was instructed by my tormentor to lay on my back, she then crouched over me and then instructed me not to spill a drop and she urinated into my mouth. This blew my mind, I had not asked for it either.

It all proved how stupid I was really. After the session I told my Domme that it was a surprising first for me and expressed how much I enjoyed it. She then referred me to the original advert that stated "suffer at xxxx's hands then drink up". OK I really should have worked it out.

Since then I have had mixed results with watersports but with my Mistress Eliza it's perfect. I say mixed results because for me because watersports is an honour thing. I feel honoured to take something from deep inside my Mistress into me. As its happening I feel this deep connection to my Domme who I adore. So for that reason it has to be better for me with a Domme I'm loyal too, as opposed to being a roaming sub with little or no connection felt towards the lady. I'm not saying I haven't had any good experiences when roaming because I did but now it's perfection.

Watersports is often connected to humiliation. I can see how too. I don't like humiliation much. I don't mind being told off or being punished as I was yesterday but I don't like the 'worthless male' angle. In the past I've experienced consumption of the golden rain with funnels and mouth gags and also from a glass, but I have to be honest and say I like it best directly from the source. I feel the connection that I mentioned better that way.

People who don't get watersports will see it as disgusting I would imagine, but then they see most of what we get up to like that. For me it's completely the opposite to disgusting. I think it's beautiful. In a recent communication with my Mistress I've described the new found love of my chastity regime as a gift. I truly see watersports as a gift. I should earn it. It's not even close to being a punishment. Quite frankly I'd break every rule I have in place if it resulted in consuming my Mistress' fluids.

Oddly I've never really communicated with my Mistress about this. I say oddly because we often discuss the 'why' of what we get up to. The perfection of watersports with Eliza just happened naturally. When I first asked for it I didn't describe in anyway how I desired to receive it, but then I never do. Like all aspects of the scene I think it's better to let ones charge do it their way. The way they are comfortable with. It makes for better servitude too.

There's not really much more to say on this subject. It's very basic for me. Not complex in any way. So I'll end this post with a message to my Ma'am,  - Keep drinking Mistress.

Another subs perspective

I'll start this weeks entry with an apology. I promised an article on chastity this week but I've had to put it off. I wouldn't have got it done in time anyway but also things have moved on for me in this area with new instruction from Eliza. It'll be better now as a blog post after the Christmas break. 

So I'll head us into the Christmas break with the viewpoint from one of Eliza's other loyal subs. I've personally met Rick for a coffee and a chat and know him to be a genuine guy. It's all his. I've edited nothing. He even chose the photo. He can also be found on Twitter as @contentedsub. 

I hope you enjoy his story. See you all after Christmas. Have a great time all of you. And nothing to kinky!........oh well, go on then.

I am sub Rick to Governess Elizabeth. I only ever call her Mistress. This has been the case since our first contact in April 2015. That meeting was my first experience of  any type of BDSM activity. What happened that day changed me in so many ways. Since then I have sessioned regularly with Mistress. I currently have a contract in place with Mistress that covers a multitude of matters. Once such matter covers the activities during sessions.  

The bottom line is that I have no say in the session activities. This means that Mistress, knowing about the regular sessions, has taken me on a BDSM journey. This journey of course cannot end due to the substantial activities available. Each session has taken me deeper than the one before. My last three sessions have included needles, sounds and staples. Seven months ago any of those would have been impossible. It shows just how skilful Mistress is in that I, a total novice, have been led into what I consider to be quite extreme activities. 

So how does Mistress do it? Well your limits are observed, pushed and new limits set. Trust is paramount as without it there could be no D/s relationship. That trust takes time and effort from both parties.  Once achieved it is a magical thing. I trust Mistress emphatically and have done so for many months.During my last session for example Mistress used a staple gun on my scrotum as I lay there. Believe me that takes trust.

Anyone who has met Mistress will be fully aware of her infectious giggle. This manifests itself when she is really enjoying herself and it is impossible not to be seduced by it. I can recall one such event recently where after inserting around two dozen needles into my thighs, cock and balls she looked at her handy work and let out a giggle of total delight. I lay there looking horrified at my groin area and thinking how the hell did that happen? 

I cannot complete this entry without making mention of Miss Victoria who is the very capable assistant of Mistress. Since June everyone of my sessions has been with Mistress and Miss Victoria. Miss Victoria is a fast learning pocket dynamo. She brings an unquantifiable bonus element to our sessions.  I now have the same level of trust with Miss that I do with Mistress. Miss is not someone who can be underestimated. She loves nothing more than inserting needles into my body or punishing me with her favourite flogger.

So my BDSM journey is up and running with the most sensational Mistress and her stunning assistant.

Long may it continue.

Submissiveness and me

I'm a normal person; I've been a husband, I'm a father. I spread my time across three different jobs. All of which I enjoy. I have the luxury of an average income and I live in the best City in the world. My social life is outstanding and I have great friends. I'm happy. Very happy. However to the normal world, the vanilla world, there is a dark side to me. The dark side lives in me, its always been there, it's on the other side of 'the fence' in my mind and is now controlled totally by Mistress Eliza. The darkness; which to me is a shining bright light is my submissiveness. Come with me through the gate

Submission to me is a beautiful place, it’s a comfort zone and it’s a safe place, even if my backside and hands sting like hell, even if I'm feeling that post punishment low, I feel I belong, that I’m not on the outside of life looking in. It isn't a place where I have no worries or concerns though. I’m troubled greatly as I wish to please the person who has taken me there; nowadays that is exclusively Eliza, but despite all its qualities its wonders mystify me.


Submissiveness means many different  things to many people, everyone’s ones perception will be different, some will differ slightly and others will be poles apart. For example I don’t like the worthless male angle; I’m not useless I’m just sexually submissive. However some male submissives will need to feel worthless to get into the submissive Zone. The thought of being cuckold actually makes me feel sad but as with every aspect of any consensual fetish I have nothing against those guys and girls that do enjoy that, in fact the complete opposite, go for it if it’s what makes you feel complete.

I exclusively use the services of my Mistress Governess Elizabeth to venture into my submissiveness. Being a male submissive is not easy, normal relationships are difficult, I have a broken marriage, two cohabited relationships and a string of short term partners behind me and nearly all of these failed because of my lack of ability to conform to the male in charge stereotype. Only once did I ever speak of my desires to a partner and the results were only just short of personal Armageddon.... Won’t do that again!

My own lifestyle doesn’t help much either. My social life is way too macho for its own good. Couple all of that with my colourful past and you’ll see it doesn’t exactly put me in the shop window as a typical submissive. The outside world has little if no chance of understanding. I find it ironic that in our BDSM world we talk of trust and honesty and actually adhere to it. A luxury that is only afforded in my opinion due to the like mindedness and therefor tolerance of those involve. I've always entered any vanilla relationship wanting honesty but in the end ones dishonesty is often driven by the intolerances of ones partner.

Over the last 33 years my submissiveness has changed, dare I say matured. The early years were highly sexually charged, that slowly mellowed until I reached a point about 6 years ago when I thought I understood my own nature. A London Domme who I regularly used to visit would spank paddle and cane me to a point where she captivated me totally, where I was broken, I was simply hers for the time I was with her and she could do whatever she wanted with me at that point. It was a wonderful point, but things have changed now because it's a point that I now live in permanently. I'm permanently and wonderfully broken. I only have to think of Eliza and I have a deep desire to drop to my knees. Despite any beating I receive, despite any BDSM delight she desires to inflict I feel safe, I feel looked after, a paradox that only us in this community would understand.

Very few submissive men would claim this fetish to be totally non sexual. I certainly don't. My sexuality is clearly my biggest energy in my submissiveness and I love what it brings to me. I am naturally sexually submissive. At first though it's all it ever was. I never even considered the aspect of servitude when I started this journey. It was all about the sexual act. The idea of being controlled out of session was totally alien to me until way into my 30's. Now I love it. The rules in which I serve under are vital to me. They are now the cornerstone. I love being tested. I adore my training getting tougher and tougher. I adore having a mind projected better person to serve and be controlled by. It's even better now because my Mistress Eliza is a far better human than I. Making it so easy. I'm so very lucky.

There is a saying in our community. Safe,Sane and Consensual. It's a good adage. Adhere to it and we'll all keep safe and keep the legislators away from our desires too. However when trust is total then things drift a little from that rigid rule. If I had a safe word with my Mistress I wouldn't feel that what we had wasn't real. I trust her and she can read me. She can see how I'm doing. She knows she has the consent to punish me  way beyond my comfort. Quite frankly it wouldn't be punishment otherwise would it? In our other BDSM play she knows full well I love being trained. I like my limits being stretched. I want to be the best submissive for her that I can be. Eliza has introduced me to new delights too, purely because I have an open mind. I do of course have hard limits and there some BDSM practices I find a total bore but letting go completely is wonderfully magical. It is simply BDSM nirvana.

I hope you've enjoyed this. Next week I'll tackle Chastity there will also be an extra post. It's been written by another one of My Mitsress' subs. It'll be his viewpoint.

Corporal punishment

I've been looking forward to writing today's topic of corporal punishment and tackling the complexities of it within my mindset and what it brings within my D/s with my Mistress Eliza.

First I need to go back. Actually I need to go back a long way to when I was just 6-7 years old. Long before sexuality!

During the time I attended infants school the punishment of smacking the pupils was still common place. We had to wear shorts at my school at we were always smacked on the top of the legs. I was truly fascinated by this. During and onwards from this period comic books such as 'Beano' or 'Beezer' and many others often depicted images of children being spanked. I used to cut these images out and keep them.

Eventually, as we all do I arrived at senior school where the use of the cane was in full swing: if you'll excuse the pun. I was fortunate enough to win an inner London scholarship award which allowed me to go to a good grammar school outside of the capital. Despite the long journey I was extremely grateful to have been afforded that opportunity and subsequently I was reasonably well behaved. I was also fortunate enough to discover that I excelled at the schools main sport which meant I didn't suffer from 'the kid from the slums' mentality from either pupils and staff.

During my time at that school my own sexual desires were developing and those bloody horrible male adolescent years were upon me. Just normal sex took up all my mind space and kink took a huge backwards step. Until one day!

The use of the cane at my school became restricted by the late 70's and the only staff other than the Head that were permitted to administer 'the stick' as we called it were the heads of the upper and lower school. In 1978 an attractive 40 something lady took over as head of the upper school and very soon her liberal use of the cane became feared and much talked about.

I was caught carving graffiti into the desk in the RE room. My overt atheism and hate of all religions was well in play at just 15 years old. I was ordered to report the Head of the Upper school. She informed me I was to be caned but she told me I had to come back at the end of the school day. In her words "to give me something to think about". Think about! She wasn't kidding. I was so excited. I couldn't believe how I felt. The other boys were trying to wind me up with tales of how bad it was but all it actually achieved was the heightening of my excitement.

By the time I arrived in her office I'd reached a level of excitement that I had quite literally never experience before. It wasn't long before I was bent over the back of the chair. I remember the pain being phenomenal but then it happened. On either the third or forth stroke my adolescent sex drive could take it no longer. I orgasmed and that was it. I was hooked forever. I've had thousands of cane strokes since that day but that remains the only time I've orgasmed whilst receiving corporal punishment.

To this day I've never used the services of a conventional sex worker but I was only 18 when I visited my first dominatrix. I found the advert in the back of a magazine. It simply stated 'Corrective services'. We didn't call it CP much back then, we simply referred to it as correction. I was really lucky, my first encounter was with a nice lady in Bayswater who called herself Madame Paula. I was dead honest with her and she took me under her wing. The fun had begun and as I found out on that fateful day so had the pain.

A long time has passed by now and I've evolved as a submissive beyond recognition from those heady days of the very early 80's and so has my relationship with Corporal punishment. CP simply hurts but I've developed I high threshold to it and a complex relationship with it.

I'll try hard now to explain that relationship, however I feel I'm not intelligent enough to project my mind onto paper sufficiently but here goes. All hard CP hurts. Regardless of the reason CP is being administered. In my opinion I see no point in it not being given hard. It'll be like alcohol free beer; pointless. It should hurt. If Mistress Eliza is administering CP to me for her own amusement or to drive me into deeper submission then I find it honouring to take the pain. I enjoy the feeling of having endured for my Mistress. The harder it is the greater pride I feel. However if it's for real punishment then the story is different.

Before we get to punishment CP we all know there is a halfway house. The Americans tend to call it 'maintainable spanking' we sometimes call it 'warning punishment'. The best way I can describe my relationship with both is to relate to you recent events with my Mistress Eliza.

I have more than a handful of rules and objectives I must keep to or fulfil for my Mistress. It's not all one way, as a sub I want to feel obedient and these rules play an absolute vital part in my psyche as a loyal sub (more on that in next weeks post). You probably think these commitments are all kink related. You couldn't be further from the truth. In fact only one is. The rest are all lifestyle related to make me the best I can be. Something I'm truly grateful to Eliza for.

A while ago I was due to go away and I was really concerned about my ability to stick to one of my commitments. No Mistress is a mind reader and so I told Ma'am of my concerns. I'm not stupid. I knew this might incur a warning spanking. I truly believed it may do some good too. It was me who asked Mistress for this commitment so it was in my interests for it to work. I received a hard but not to severe caning with a harsh warning regarding failure. At this point you may be thinking 'yeah just a way to get your kicks'. Well that's not so; why? Because if I wanted a caning for either mine and Ma'am's pleasure I'd simply ask and I assure you Eliza would break the land speed record to the cane pot. I've no need to hint.

The emotions of this waning though very much had their own place. I didn't feel the honour I feel in taking the pain for Mistress' pleasure or to drive me into deeper submission. Nor did I feel shame or sadness of punishment. It was what it was. A warning.

I don't want to mention the actual nature of any of my non kink commitments. They are personal. I'll tell you now that the kink one is a chastity/masturbation schedule. In the event my warning caning failed. Or more to the point I failed. It wasn't the kind of commitment I failed out of blatant disobedience though. It was more akin to taking my eye off the ball, a loss of focus but regardless I failed.

Honesty is the cornerstone of any D/s and on my return I admitted my error. I actually didn't need to as it was obvious. Mistress was good to me and said we would get the punishment out of the way at the start of our time together so we could still have some fun. Normally I arrive at Eliza's with elation. The best part of any session is just seeing her smile. Today I had no elation and I wasn't greeted with a smile. My Mistress who's warmth can normally be felt two counties away was ice cold. I undressed in silence and my collar went on without notice. I love my collar going on. I'm deeply symbolistic and adore that sense of ownership but today the pleasure wasn't there. As I stood by her wooden bench she just coldly said 'bend over'. I didn't know her. I felt all the compassion she has for me go. I was alone. Detached from the pride I have in being her loyal sub. She didn't tell me how many sets I was getting. She just said "first twelve". It didn't matter how many I was getting. I was already deeply into punishment before the first stroke arrived. I was hating it. The strokes arrived in silence. No counting by either parties. I didn't even count silently in my head. I just let each stroke arrive. Then I heard "second set of twelve with a different cane" followed by a third set. My backside hurt, my mindset hurt and my heart hurt. I had let us both down. I think because there was no direct disobedience as such the number of strokes I received was lower that I might get for direct disobedience. I avoided the tears too At the end I asked if my punishment was over. The reply "yes" came with a hug. That's the closest I came to tears. For the record the punishment worked too. I'll always suffer blips in this area but as long as refocus quickly and not just give up like I did I'm ok.

I mentioned earlier that if I wanted a good caning all I would have to do is ask. It's true too, however with Mistress I dictate nothing in a session now. I let her do what she wants and she helps me expand my horizons. Even after all of these years I'm now doing new things. As a wandering sub you have to let each Domme know what you like. I did of course at first with Eliza. Those elements tend to still make up the session too. However my last session, bar a good hand spanking included no CP. It was still wonderful.

 Like anyone would I've read this back over a dozen times correcting grammar and flow (to the best of my abilities). I wanted to avoid this blog being a detailed session review and I know describing my punishment was exactly that. I hope you'll see it was done in context though. There will be many aspects of my D/s with Mistress I'll never reveal. I'm making my journey very public. I must be allowed some things just for me.

I hope you enjoyed this. Next weeks blog will be 'submissiveness and me'.

Why Eliza?

To really answer this question I need to go back to myself a bit. I'm naturally sexually submissive but that doesn't mean I feel submissive to every female, it also doesn't mean that just because you put the word 'Mistress' before your name that I'll drop to my knees. I've always been a little controversial and I don't intend to stop on this blog. I find an alarming amount of Pro-Dommes to be a complete pain, this manifests itself nowhere greater than the murky world of Twitter.

Twitter is not for the faint hearted sub. If you ever comment on a Mistress' post one of two things will happen. Mainly you will just be ignored or you'll receive a reply along the lines of "who the hell are you to be commenting on my post" so imagine my pleasant surprise after summoning the courage to reply to a post and picture of a piece of BDSM furniture uploaded by @GovernessEliza. Her reply was open and treated me like a human being. It was lovely to engage with her. I just had to visit her website.

My initial reaction was one of disappointment. It appeared Governess Elizabeth was out of my league. I like to session once every three weeks. That seems to be my natural point of synergy where mind, body and desire meet. Because Mistress has the good grace to actually put the session price on her website I learned instantly that it was a no for me. In 33 years I've never once questioned or quibbled over a tribute. It is what it is and I either take it or leave it. I often look back on her website with gratitude. Had Mistress not put her tribute on her website I would have had to write an email to inquire and then I would have been too embarrassed to change my mind later.

So why did I change my mind?  Well it was down to Twitter. Just because I couldn't session with her didn't mean I couldn't converse and after yet another pleasant exchange I decided it was time to send that session request email. I thought it couldn't possibly harm. I had absolutely no intention of settling down with one Domme. As I said in an earlier post I've only ever given my loyalty to three Dommes in all those years and it had been less than a year since I was dismissed by a very prominent Domme. I certainly wasn't looking.

Session day arrived and I entered her building with a completely open mind as I always do. What followed was superb. Her style; which over the next few weeks I'll elaborate on was superb for me. I would go as far as to say perfect. I just gelled with her. Whether she did with me I don't know but to be quite frank at that stage it didn't matter. She held my mind in submission. I remember going through positions. We've never done that since but it was a great way for her to install her dominance into my hard drive from the get go.

So what to do? I was in a quandary really. I couldn't see her every three weeks but I knew I needed to go back. To find out if this was a one off feeling so four weeks later I re-entered that apartment and the second I looked at Eliza's face I was gone. I was captured. I offered up no resistance. I just let it be what it was. I landed in a very happy place. I'm now a very loyal sub with a contract on its way to me which I'll sign in a heartbeat.

So here I am. Sessioning with Mistress every four weeks. That timescale now though is an irrelevance. Obviously face time with my Mistress is the best but we have so many things in place now that I feel she is with me so often. Also this week I will have spent a lot of truly quality time with her which I'll elaborate on more in weeks to come.

At the start of this post I had a go about the behaviour of some Dommes. I stand by that but I also have to say that equally I've met some lovely genuine ladies over the years.

Well that's the initial flurry of posts over. I'll do one post a week now. Next week we'll look at corporal punishment.

About me

I've been a submissive for some while now. I had my first session with a professional dominatrix at just 18 years old. I've been a wandering sub. I have had one brief lifestyle experience but for the most part I've drifted from session to session. In all those years I've only given my loyalty to three Dommes. It's fair to say that as a sub I'm hard to please.

I've had fun beyond my wildest dreams. I've also had heartache. My submissiveness isn't all of me. It's just a part of me but it's a very important part of me. If I were to be reborn it's definitely part of my character I would want to bring along for the next journey. If I was asked to sum it up in one word  I'd use the most basic of words 'fun'. It's just been great fun.

I've tried to self analyse over the years and have found my desires to be both complicated and often contradictory. Over the weeks and months I hope to elaborate but I'm not moving from the narrative. It will always be about how I feel about what my Mistress Eliza does to me and how I feel about it. I would like to point out that Eliza will not be vetting any post before publishing. I gave her the option of that but have been granted her trust.

I can be found on Twitter too as @Elizas_sub