Submissiveness and me

I'm a normal person; I've been a husband, I'm a father. I spread my time across three different jobs. All of which I enjoy. I have the luxury of an average income and I live in the best City in the world. My social life is outstanding and I have great friends. I'm happy. Very happy. However to the normal world, the vanilla world, there is a dark side to me. The dark side lives in me, its always been there, it's on the other side of 'the fence' in my mind and is now controlled totally by Mistress Eliza. The darkness; which to me is a shining bright light is my submissiveness. Come with me through the gate

Submission to me is a beautiful place, it’s a comfort zone and it’s a safe place, even if my backside and hands sting like hell, even if I'm feeling that post punishment low, I feel I belong, that I’m not on the outside of life looking in. It isn't a place where I have no worries or concerns though. I’m troubled greatly as I wish to please the person who has taken me there; nowadays that is exclusively Eliza, but despite all its qualities its wonders mystify me.


Submissiveness means many different  things to many people, everyone’s ones perception will be different, some will differ slightly and others will be poles apart. For example I don’t like the worthless male angle; I’m not useless I’m just sexually submissive. However some male submissives will need to feel worthless to get into the submissive Zone. The thought of being cuckold actually makes me feel sad but as with every aspect of any consensual fetish I have nothing against those guys and girls that do enjoy that, in fact the complete opposite, go for it if it’s what makes you feel complete.

I exclusively use the services of my Mistress Governess Elizabeth to venture into my submissiveness. Being a male submissive is not easy, normal relationships are difficult, I have a broken marriage, two cohabited relationships and a string of short term partners behind me and nearly all of these failed because of my lack of ability to conform to the male in charge stereotype. Only once did I ever speak of my desires to a partner and the results were only just short of personal Armageddon.... Won’t do that again!

My own lifestyle doesn’t help much either. My social life is way too macho for its own good. Couple all of that with my colourful past and you’ll see it doesn’t exactly put me in the shop window as a typical submissive. The outside world has little if no chance of understanding. I find it ironic that in our BDSM world we talk of trust and honesty and actually adhere to it. A luxury that is only afforded in my opinion due to the like mindedness and therefor tolerance of those involve. I've always entered any vanilla relationship wanting honesty but in the end ones dishonesty is often driven by the intolerances of ones partner.

Over the last 33 years my submissiveness has changed, dare I say matured. The early years were highly sexually charged, that slowly mellowed until I reached a point about 6 years ago when I thought I understood my own nature. A London Domme who I regularly used to visit would spank paddle and cane me to a point where she captivated me totally, where I was broken, I was simply hers for the time I was with her and she could do whatever she wanted with me at that point. It was a wonderful point, but things have changed now because it's a point that I now live in permanently. I'm permanently and wonderfully broken. I only have to think of Eliza and I have a deep desire to drop to my knees. Despite any beating I receive, despite any BDSM delight she desires to inflict I feel safe, I feel looked after, a paradox that only us in this community would understand.

Very few submissive men would claim this fetish to be totally non sexual. I certainly don't. My sexuality is clearly my biggest energy in my submissiveness and I love what it brings to me. I am naturally sexually submissive. At first though it's all it ever was. I never even considered the aspect of servitude when I started this journey. It was all about the sexual act. The idea of being controlled out of session was totally alien to me until way into my 30's. Now I love it. The rules in which I serve under are vital to me. They are now the cornerstone. I love being tested. I adore my training getting tougher and tougher. I adore having a mind projected better person to serve and be controlled by. It's even better now because my Mistress Eliza is a far better human than I. Making it so easy. I'm so very lucky.

There is a saying in our community. Safe,Sane and Consensual. It's a good adage. Adhere to it and we'll all keep safe and keep the legislators away from our desires too. However when trust is total then things drift a little from that rigid rule. If I had a safe word with my Mistress I wouldn't feel that what we had wasn't real. I trust her and she can read me. She can see how I'm doing. She knows she has the consent to punish me  way beyond my comfort. Quite frankly it wouldn't be punishment otherwise would it? In our other BDSM play she knows full well I love being trained. I like my limits being stretched. I want to be the best submissive for her that I can be. Eliza has introduced me to new delights too, purely because I have an open mind. I do of course have hard limits and there some BDSM practices I find a total bore but letting go completely is wonderfully magical. It is simply BDSM nirvana.

I hope you've enjoyed this. Next week I'll tackle Chastity there will also be an extra post. It's been written by another one of My Mitsress' subs. It'll be his viewpoint.