Monday, 18 April 2016

Chastity devices & Me

Ok let's start this with controversy; male chastity devices in terms of enforcement of masturbation prevention and orgasm denial are utterly useless. There is absolutely no way any male could be placed in one of these devices unwillingly and made to endure chastity against his will. There is absolutely no way a suspicious partner could ensure their man wasn't cheating or masturbating by fitting a device on him and there is absolutely no way it would prevent any male from achieving orgasm.

The internet is full of videos of men having an orgasm in their device. I myself can achieve this, much to my delight (and within my chastity rules). Even if you really are physically unable to masturbate in you device then you can still pull out of your device. Everyone can; I  don't care how big you are. You can fill 'the curve' without a millimetre to spare but you can still pull out. Invert your hips, engage your transverse abdominals and the rest is easy. Most of us just have to pull. To be honest I think everyone just needs to pull. The problem is the penis is too pliable and if you don't believe me just watch the stage show 'Puppetry of the Penis'. Well hung guys getting those things it any shape they like.

The problem lays simply in the design of the 'trapped testicle' method of nearly all MCD's (Male Chastity Device) By the time you've taken the fiddly bits out of the equation they all have the same two part format; a base ring that encircles the testicles and penis and then a sheath that encapsulates the penis and locks in place trapping the balls. The problem is the base ring, quite simply if it goes in then it can come out. It doesn't matter how tight it is because originally you got it in there. The penis can always be pulled back through that ring. Only those with a PA piercing can ever be truly 'locked' and even those guys can still experience orgasm in the device.

I'm fully aware of the big expensive belts that go around the waist but they obviously score an absolute zero in long term practicality, but so do many MCD's. The theory of leaving the keys with a Pro-Domme who you only see every few weeks is off the cards for me. You have to be given the key or be unlocked at least twice a day in my opinion for cleanliness. These things stink after a day and are unhygienic. If you shower or bathe in them then you'll end up with water trapped between the plastic and your body. Water at body temperature! Nothing breeds bacteria quicker than that. The metal devices are obviously more hygienic but with the security measures we have in place everywhere I wish you luck in one of those without the key.

So with that scathing attack my device obviously went in the bin didn't it? I mean I wouldn't waste my time in one would I ? Obviously I've discarded it as a concept haven I ?

Have I hell! I absolutely love my chastity device and I'm in it 98% of the time. Eliza doesn't hold my keys. She has one, it hangs teasingly off my collar but I have the other. I take my device off twice a day to wash thoroughly, some days three times. I used to keep a distance between myself and the key but I don't bother now. It's on my key ring. I don't need a distance as I don't want to come out of my device. So why?

Well the first answer is one of practicality. I've just absolutely destroyed the practicalities of MCD's above but there is one thing they do well. Eliza has me on a no touch rule. That's no touching at all bar the obvious when washing. My chastity regime isn't tough compared to a lot of you guys. At the point of writing this I'm allowed to masturbate every sixth day. So it's not at all unreasonable for Mistress to have put that restriction on me. The problem was I was crap at keeping to it. All day I would involuntarily touch and then realise what I'd done. Now all I feel is plastic. It keeps me obedient and when I'm obedient I'm happy and more importantly, Mistress is happy.

That isn't the best bit though. The device reminds me of my commitment, I guess in a lot of ways it's become a comfort blanket. It keeps me feeling connected and it's deeply symbolic. I just love it. The kink angle of it has well past. Most of the time I don't know I'm even wearing it, to the point that I went through a stage of arriving at the gents only to remember as I unzipped that I actually needed a cubicle, but many times a day I do get a little reminder. A nudge, a feeling and it's great. I love my small commitment to chastity and the regime I adhere too, the device really enhances that.

I currently am in 'The Holy Trainer 2' device( mine is the one above). This device is in a different league to the CB6000. It's so comfortable it's unbelievable. It holds you differently too, it tucks you in neatly. I also have to say that whilst it remains true that I can pull out of it I sure as hell can't then get back into it as your testicles invade the area where the penis was prior to extraction. Even erections aren't unpleasant in the Holy Trainer, unlike the CB6000 where they were unbearable. However there is one down side to the Holy Trainer; it comes in pink and Eliza has a sense of humour. Fortunately she is the only person who ever sees it.

In conclusion though chastity  and all its wonders are way deeper than any device, the device is the side show, the gloss, the essence of chastity is held in the commitment and it's beauty is held deep inside yourself.

Tuesday, 29 March 2016

A session review

It was sad to say goodbye to the Maida Vale play space. It was sadder still as my last session there with Mistress was for punishment. I'll miss it. I have some wonderfully memories of the place but as we all know London is desperate for unaffordable housing and those poor darlings need it redeveloped to protect the vulnerable rich from the vile of normal folk.

However new memories are there to be made and so off to Paddington for exciting new adventures it is.

I guess it's easy to read my blog and think that I'm a 100% all out submissive who is totally comfortable in his sexuality and all that goes with it. Unfortunately this is not so. I get 'the wobbles'. I suffer self doubt and at times drift terribly from my submissive nature. This happened some six weeks ago. I had a terrible submissive crash that led via many emotions to me cheating my chastity and several of my rules. The reality of my stupidity came crashing home on a Monday morning when just one simple email showed me how wrong I'd been about things. I then confessed all. I was very severely punished at my next session and I lost a privilege that I treasured, I was left with hard month of redemption ahead.

I have a wonderful Mistress. I'm totally, 100% loyal to her and she looks after my submissiveness. During this month she has both encouraged and told me off and the net result was me arriving at her door knowing I'd been good but hoping I'd been good enough.

Now it's time for a quality warning. Despite having had a successful blog in the past and writing on various forums I've never actually written a session review. I'm not a fan of them really due to some of the styles in which they're written so I'm afraid there will be none of the punternet style "she looked stunning in her red basque with her ample breasts heaving against the cloth" or "the session had a happy ending with me exploding bucket loads all over." Or even worse "I banged her so hard she'll have to retire". Yuck. All I'm saying is this review might be a bit tame for some.

All sessions start the same. I shower, remove my chastity device and present myself on my knees in front of my Mistress. This is a wonderful moment for me. I feel my submissiveness to Eliza 24/7 but in that initial moment when I'm on my knees I feel the outside world just drift away and I can physically feel my shoulders lighten and drop. It's always at this point Mistress puts my collar on and that's it I'm totally gone, I've drifted deep. I'm always Eliza's but at this point I'm inescapably her's. This time was no different but it was made even more special as I had the privilege I lost a few weeks ago returned to me. I felt emotionally great. So happy. I kissed her feet and felt complete.

From my knees I was ordered onto the bed where I was to have a glass (I think it was glass) butt plug fitted in order for it to be in place for some electric treatment. I was ordered to sit in a chair which I was securely bound to and made blindfold. I could hear all sorts of things going on around me then I felt the coolness of the gel, the conductivity gel. Slowly I felt mild then harsh electric currents pass through my body causing my muscles to contract and the butt plug work it's magic as I contorted and twisted. Then there was a pause and a repeat of the cool gel but this time on my most intimate parts. I knew what was coming but instead attention was turned elsewhere and the anticipation was killing me. Eventually I said "oh for Christ sake just do it" It was greeted by that lovely infectious laugh we all know Mistress has. Eventually though the wait was over and the National grid of the UK was earthed out on my penis. I got a good view of both Mercury and Venus before arriving back in my chair only to be sent on another voyage as my testicles received the same treatment. This pattern repeated itself.

Having said Hi to Tim Peake a few times I was eventually untied and returned to the bed. "Time to stretch you" Mistress said. Now I hate this butt plug. It's the one in the photo below. It inflates and I find it initially very uncomfortable but it's essential to loosen me up for later onslaughts. With my rectum being stretched Mistress turned her attention to the sounds rods. All of them!  One by one they were inserted in me allowing gravity to take its course. They felt great. During this we discussed my chastity schedule and an extra day was added to my ongoing commitment meaning I was now down to only one orgasm every six days. I was delighted to take that task on as I'm loving the form of chastity I adhere to.

As the last sounds rod was lifted out of me attention turned to further anal penetration. At one point Mistress looked up and said "I've got all 5 fingers in you."  It was the wrong time to discuss the status of a thumb so I just relaxed and allowed my prostate to have a good day, it felt heavenly. I was enjoying the probing greatly when it stopped only for Eliza put on her white strap on. I knew with delight what was coming. I adore her taking this to me. I positioned myself best to receive it and slowly it was so inserted, testing and probing. I was floating in heaven. Being taken by my Mistress.

My time finished with the gift of Watersports. I'd been good and good subs get treats. You only have to read my blogpost to know how much I appreciate this and how connected it makes me feel. It was lovely, it's always lovely but then so is my Mistress

Ok I admit it, I enjoyed writing this.


Tuesday, 16 February 2016

My chastity

Well I've finally decided to write this blog post. I was going to wait until it was settled in my mind but I've a feeling it never will be. I've titled the post 'My chastity'. The post will be about my experience thus far and some opinions intermingled in.

My Mistress is writing about male chastity as part of her Masters course. So there has been a lot of focus on this subject. Obviously Eliza is studying this in an academic form whereas I'm talking to/reading about others experiences just so I can relate to how I feel. Thus far this has proved fruitless. I have a very good friend in the scene who's been into chastity for a long time, another of Eliza's subs is also on his new journey of chastity which is very different path to mine. I regularly chat on Twitter to 3 other guys in chastity. Every single one of us has a different viewpoint on why we do it and how it makes us feel and the ethos behind it.

Chastity in any form is a giant leap forward for me; sure I fantasised about it but I never thought it would ever go beyond a kinky day in a chastity device. So obviously it's been on the back burner of my mind for some time but as I say I never had any intentions of stepping into any form of commitment.

Sometime ago I had a session with a Domme that I intermittently visited. After one session she stated that she'd noticed I wasn't really into it that day. She was right and I said I just wasn't in the right frame of mind compared with how I was when I booked the appointment. I told a friend of mine about this dilemma as it wasn't the first time this had happened to me, he suggested that I should do a seven day spell of abstinence prior to any session. He was right and since then Ive always done that and it does ensure a good mindset. So when I arrived on Eliza's doorstep I did at least know what a spell of chastity felt like.

After a few months of giving Eliza my total submissive loyalty I started to feel more and more like I wanted to commit my Chastity to her. It fitted neatly with other aspects of my submissiveness too. It fitted in with the obedience angle which is really important to me as a submissive. I like rules when serving so chastity seemed ideal. The only problem of course was I thought I couldn't do it. I thought I couldn't break my masturbation habit. Also as I read more there were angles attached to chastity I hated. It's seemed to be linked to cuckoldery which I hate. It is also was linked heavily with denial. I didn't like that either as it fitted into humiliation, so I thought it wasn't for me. So again I turned to my friend. I life long fan of very long term chastity. We are very different. He talked a lot about various angles of chastity I hadn't thought of. So I asked Eliza if we could gently go down this road.

Now this is where the hardcore amongst you will say "you're not in chastity son, you just have a masturbation schedule". I concede to that point too. You maybe right but it feels like chastity to me and anyway I love the word 'chastity; CHASTITY.  So initially Eliza put me on a 1 in 3 schedule. This simply meant I masturbate to orgasm every third day. After doing this for a few weeks I had an edging accident and orgasmed accidentally on a chastity day. After that Eliza put me on a no touch rule. I'm only permitted to touch myself for washing and the obvious.

After a few weeks I told Eliza I was loving this commitment and finding it easy and so she put it up to 1 in 4. At the time of writing this I'm now on 1 in 5 but for various reasons I haven't  settled into the rhythm of 1 in 5 yet. I still have to give 7 days prior to reporting to her. A chastity device has just crept into my commitment but that's so new and I'll blog about chastity devices at a future date.

So what is it that I like so much about my chastity commitment, why do I find it such a positive experience? Well first of all it's lovely having Eliza as the sole focus of my sexuality. I love the fact that I feel like I'm honouring her. Suffering for her. Making her so important that I'm prepared to let my most basic male instinct suffer. That's submission personified to me. I love feeling like I'm obeying an instruction. My orgasms are now outstanding. They're deep and meaningful, Its made me a cleaner as a person too, I used to waste so much time on porn. Masturbating twice a day at least. Now I watch no porn at all. I only ever have Mistress in mind when exercising my sexuality and I enjoy how good I feel with the success.

I love the feeling inside of me too. As chastity takes its grip I experience this feeling that starts in my groin and moves to my stomach, it's a warm lovely feeling like a hug from inside. It's a constant too, it's always there despite my mood or mindset.

On masturbation days I can only masturbate once and I started to notice something after a few cycles. You're never really fully drained unlike the days of habitual masturbation. Only hours after my single orgasm I arrive back in the same place that 2 days of abstinence used to feel like. I liken it to the game 'snakes and ladders'. Before chastity I would get to about square 8 then masturbate and come back down to square 1 but with chastity you reach square 100 and after masturbation only drop to about square 80. Nowhere near that drained feeling of square 1. So you're back in the chastity mindset very quickly. Very much putting paid to the theory that to get a male to focus he must be permanently denied as advocated in a book I recently read.

It's clear from all above I'm enjoying my small chastity regime. I know, purely because I know how Mistress works that I'll be tested further in the future. I've no idea where we will end up at but what I know for certain with Eliza is It'll never go backwards.

There are of course some negatives. Desire is a strong feeling. I often feel good when I've exited the other side of extreme desire still chaste but sometimes I really do wish I could have an orgasm. My mind will be pure with only Ma'am in my focus but still I can't. Still I have to remain chaste until my day. On the flip side is that on more than a handful of occasions I've arrived at masturbation day with a very low labido and really not had any desire to orgasm.

All of us who express our submissiveness through a Pro-Domme and give that person total loyalty have to accept that whilst our Dominant is the sole focus of our submission we are only a tiny part of their dominance. It's a situation most of us are comfortable with. Chastity as I've already mentioned incredibly heightens ones focus towards ones Domme, I find that lovely but if you're a sub that struggles in this area then you'll need to be mindful in my opinion when entering into chastity of any form.

Chastity, like my last blog post regarding anal play transcends BDSM.  I can see the greatest value of male chastity being in a 'normal' relationship. I can see it being great fun. I love the fact that so many men are willing to go into chastity, it's one in the eye for those that advocate ALL men are cheating faithless bastards.

I'll elaborate now on a couple of the angles that are associated with chastity that don't appeal to me. I hate the idea of cuckoldery, I don't like humiliation at all. I'm not a useless male. I'm a good quality submissive and it's an absolute no go area for me. I don't see the point in denial either in my head. I'm saving myself for my Mistress, where is the carrot of obedience if you're  to be denied. Don't get me wrong here. If you like denial then great, go for it. My mates both real time and Twitter seem to love it and I'm aware that as a chaste sub I'm on the fringe here. Oddly I'm not so anti the theory of ruined orgasm or milking but as part of punishment, not just for the sake of it. I don't really understand long term chastity, only this morning my friend told me has now got a further year bolted on to the 5 months he's just endured. No thanks, not for me. He's mad, but happy and mad. I've also heard of a sub who is way over the 800 day mark now. I don't know this guy but good luck to you fella. I would have had 160 orgasms in that time. Although to be fair to me pre chastity I would have had about 1600. Shit; that statistic has just scared me.

I also see a side to chastity that I know most chaste subs would take me to task for. I know a lot of guys talk about chastity emasculating them. I see it as the opposite. I think it enhances my masculinity. Instead of being the stupid little selfish boy just chucking sperm out of my body any time I fancy I've become disciplined, in tune with my body and feelings and treasuring orgasms for the wonderful experience they are. That probably just shows I've no real concept of what masculinity is; or as some of you are thinking, what chastity is. I've also learned to enjoy erections rather than seeing them as frustrating due to chastity. I'm not allowed to touch and in the mornings I often just lay there appreciating the feeling of erection and how it makes me feel. In the past it was just viewed  the necessary state to aimlessly 'knock one out'. I really don't want a return to that.

So it would seem I'm enjoying this chastity. My friend says as I get deeper into it (longer spells) I'll enjoy it more. I'm not so sure. I think there might be a point where I cease to find it fulfilling and I think that point will be when that warm hugging feeling I get goes away. However that's not yet, so how far down the line will it be?

Thursday, 28 January 2016

Anal play

I thought I'd write the about the grand old subject of anal tonight. Heterosexual anal play in this case. A practice that transcends far out from just BDSM games. This is practised by millions. Some with partners and some alone while masturbating. There is a deep secrecy in it to most. I'm guessing here, but I think most men who practice it do it quietly and would never admit it. We've all had well oiled mates at the bar waxing lyrical about his last blow job haven't we, but when do you last see a guy with a pint of Guinness in his hand saying "cor the Missus didn't half give me a good pegging last night". Never eh?

The reason for this is all too sadly obvious. 'If you take it up the arse you're a poof ain't ya?'  You'll never explain it to people who have that mentality and those of us that practice anal know that. Even if you get them to partially understand it, half will then say "nah; you're just suppressing your true sexuality, you're gay and you won't admit it."  If I was gay I'd tell you. It would be too much effort to suppress it. Too much like hard work. So we just chip on enjoying ourselves, safe in the knowledge that some of those that criticise are sitting deep on a butt plug masturbating in silence.

I first got into this in a completely non BDSM way. I was in an early years relationship with a girl who thoroughly enjoyed anal sex. Now I know to a lot of guys that is the idea of heaven, but for me it wasn't. I didn't enjoy it. My sexual submissiveness is nature not nurture. In normal vanilla sex I prefer all the more male submissive things during it. I prefer to not be on top during intercourse. I like giving oral. I always engineer a situation where I can give oral while on my knees and I'm not overly keen to receive oral. Giving Anal in my mind is a very dominant act and I just don't want to do it. Louise (not her real name) was a very sexual person, so it was easy to talk to her. In one conversation she said to me that in her opinion men were better equipped to enjoy anal than women. I've always been open minded so I was eager to find out. She was more than happy to try and from that moment on I was hooked. It was in the 80's and strap ons were not as popular but we/I had great fun learning something new with normal sex toys. Like all relationships though they can't survive on just sex and eventually we parted. Since then I've only engaged in anal play in the BDSM sense. In subsequent relationships and marriages I've chosen to say nothing, nor ever suggest it.

I can't take the huge toys. The photo above is part of Eliza's vast collection; I'm capable of none of them. However Eliza is 'stretching' my limits and I'm currently capable of taking the one in the picture below. Known to me simply as 'the white one'. It fills me and is still very testing. When I'm laying on my back it's heavenly, but it's still very tight if I'm on all fours. (Bent forward). I'm banned by Mistress from using poppers either in session or when masturbating but I've learned to relax to a degree without them. I should point out here that the poppers ban is unique to me, not to all who she commands.

I enjoy everything I get do in a session with Eliza (obviously not punishment) I love the CP when it's about my Mistress' pleasure, I enjoy the sounds that I'm learning to take, the electrics can be fun etc etc etc, but beyond any doubt what I yearn for most is anal and watersports.

Mistress is superb at anal. When I'm told to lay on my back and I know it's coming I'm overjoyed. It always starts with her finger probing me, with it rubbing on my prostate. Then often I'm stretched with the inflatable butt plug as in the picture above, and then the best bit, when I'm taken with the strap on. This happens in all manners, from the sublimely slow penetration with me on my back to the grit my teeth and take it hard and fast with me bent forward.

I'll nip back to the prostate now. What a fun filled little walnut that is. The stimulation of it feels wonderful. I read a lot about prostate massage and milking. As of yet nobody has made me orgasm from prostate stimulation alone. By that I mean no penis stimulation at all, I've obviously achieved it in the joint effect. I'm also confused about prostate only orgasm, as I read many conflicting articles. They range from it being more frustrating than a ruined orgasm all the way to it being the most mind blowing orgasm you'll ever have. If you've experienced it please say how it was for you in the comments. I'll be interested to see.

Well that's about it on this subject for now; keep lubed up everyone and remember what a drunk friend of mine said when the bar talk came to the age old question of "would you take it up the arse for £10k?"  His reply. "Hell yeah; how much can it hurt!"

Wednesday, 13 January 2016


Firstly I must apologise for the lack of the chastity post I promised. Chastity is so new to me and Eliza has recently put me on a tougher schedule. Since that my views, opinions and outlook to chastity have moved on exponentially and my draft copy of that blog post is a jumbled confused mess. I'll revisit it sometime in the future.

In stark contrast I'll write today about something I have no confusion over at all. It's watersports. I know exactly where my mind stands on this subject. It started though in an odd way.

Some 20 years or so ago I ventured to the south of the capital for a session in Hither Green. The session was very average right up to the end when I was instructed by my tormentor to lay on my back, she then crouched over me and then instructed me not to spill a drop and she urinated into my mouth. This blew my mind, I had not asked for it either.

It all proved how stupid I was really. After the session I told my Domme that it was a surprising first for me and expressed how much I enjoyed it. She then referred me to the original advert that stated "suffer at xxxx's hands then drink up". OK I really should have worked it out.

Since then I have had mixed results with watersports but with my Mistress Eliza it's perfect. I say mixed results because for me because watersports is an honour thing. I feel honoured to take something from deep inside my Mistress into me. As its happening I feel this deep connection to my Domme who I adore. So for that reason it has to be better for me with a Domme I'm loyal too, as opposed to being a roaming sub with little or no connection felt towards the lady. I'm not saying I haven't had any good experiences when roaming because I did but now it's perfection.

Watersports is often connected to humiliation. I can see how too. I don't like humiliation much. I don't mind being told off or being punished as I was yesterday but I don't like the 'worthless male' angle. In the past I've experienced consumption of the golden rain with funnels and mouth gags and also from a glass, but I have to be honest and say I like it best directly from the source. I feel the connection that I mentioned better that way.

People who don't get watersports will see it as disgusting I would imagine, but then they see most of what we get up to like that. For me it's completely the opposite to disgusting. I think it's beautiful. In a recent communication with my Mistress I've described the new found love of my chastity regime as a gift. I truly see watersports as a gift. I should earn it. It's not even close to being a punishment. Quite frankly I'd break every rule I have in place if it resulted in consuming my Mistress' fluids.

Oddly I've never really communicated with my Mistress about this. I say oddly because we often discuss the 'why' of what we get up to. The perfection of watersports with Eliza just happened naturally. When I first asked for it I didn't describe in anyway how I desired to receive it, but then I never do. Like all aspects of the scene I think it's better to let ones charge do it their way. The way they are comfortable with. It makes for better servitude too.

There's not really much more to say on this subject. It's very basic for me. Not complex in any way. So I'll end this post with a message to my Ma'am,  - Keep drinking Mistress.

Thursday, 10 December 2015

Another subs perspective

I'll start this weeks entry with an apology. I promised an article on chastity this week but I've had to put it off. I wouldn't have got it done in time anyway but also things have moved on for me in this area with new instruction from Eliza. It'll be better now as a blog post after the Christmas break. 

So I'll head us into the Christmas break with the viewpoint from one of Eliza's other loyal subs. I've personally met Rick for a coffee and a chat and know him to be a genuine guy. It's all his. I've edited nothing. He even chose the photo. He can also be found on Twitter as @contentedsub. 

I hope you enjoy his story. See you all after Christmas. Have a great time all of you. And nothing to kinky!........oh well, go on then.

I am sub Rick to Governess Elizabeth. I only ever call her Mistress. This has been the case since our first contact in April 2015. That meeting was my first experience of  any type of BDSM activity. What happened that day changed me in so many ways. Since then I have sessioned regularly with Mistress. I currently have a contract in place with Mistress that covers a multitude of matters. Once such matter covers the activities during sessions.  
The bottom line is that I have no say in the session activities. This means that Mistress, knowing about the regular sessions, has taken me on a BDSM journey. This journey of course cannot end due to the substantial activities available. Each session has taken me deeper than the one before. My last three sessions have included needles, sounds and staples. Seven months ago any of those would have been impossible. It shows just how skilful Mistress is in that I, a total novice, have been led into what I consider to be quite extreme activities
So how does Mistress do it? Well your limits are observed, pushed and new limits set. Trust is paramount as without it there could be no D/s relationship. That trust takes time and effort from both parties.  Once achieved it is a magical thing. I trust Mistress emphatically and have done so for many months.During my last session for example Mistress used a staple gun on my scrotum as I lay there. Believe me that takes trust.
Anyone who has met Mistress will be fully aware of her infectious giggle. This manifests itself when she is really enjoying herself and it is impossible not to be seduced by it. I can recall one such event recently where after inserting around two dozen needles into my thighscock and balls she looked at her handy work and let out a giggle of total delight. I lay there looking horrified at my groin area and thinking how the hell did that happen? 
I cannot complete this entry without making mention of Miss Victoria who is the very capable assistant of Mistress. Since June everyone of my sessions has been with Mistress and Miss Victoria. Miss Victoria is a fast learning pocket dynamo. She brings an unquantifiable bonus element to our sessions.  I now have the same level of trust with Miss that I do with MistressMiss is not someone who can be underestimated. She loves nothing more than inserting needles into my body or punishing me with her favourite flogger.
So my BDSM journey is up and running with the most sensational Mistress and her stunning assistant.
Long may it continue.

Thursday, 3 December 2015

Submissiveness and me

I'm a normal person; I've been a husband, I'm a father. I spread my time across three different jobs. All of which I enjoy. I have the luxury of an average income and I live in the best City in the world. My social life is outstanding and I have great friends. I'm happy. Very happy. However to the normal world, the vanilla world, there is a dark side to me. The dark side lives in me, its always been there, it's on the other side of 'the fence' in my mind and is now controlled totally by Mistress Eliza. The darkness; which to me is a shining bright light is my submissiveness. Come with me through the gate

Submission to me is a beautiful place, it’s a comfort zone and it’s a safe place, even if my backside and hands sting like hell, even if I'm feeling that post punishment low, I feel I belong, that I’m not on the outside of life looking in. It isn't a place where I have no worries or concerns though. I’m troubled greatly as I wish to please the person who has taken me there; nowadays that is exclusively Eliza, but despite all its qualities its wonders mystify me.

Submissiveness means many different  things to many people, everyone’s ones perception will be different, some will differ slightly and others will be poles apart. For example I don’t like the worthless male angle; I’m not useless I’m just sexually submissive. However some male submissives will need to feel worthless to get into the submissive Zone. The thought of being cuckold actually makes me feel sad but as with every aspect of any consensual fetish I have nothing against those guys and girls that do enjoy that, in fact the complete opposite, go for it if it’s what makes you feel complete.

I exclusively use the services of my Mistress Governess Elizabeth to venture into my submissiveness. Being a male submissive is not easy, normal relationships are difficult, I have a broken marriage, two cohabited relationships and a string of short term partners behind me and nearly all of these failed because of my lack of ability to conform to the male in charge stereotype. Only once did I ever speak of my desires to a partner and the results were only just short of personal Armageddon.... Won’t do that again!

My own lifestyle doesn’t help much either. My social life is way too macho for its own good. Couple all of that with my colourful past and you’ll see it doesn’t exactly put me in the shop window as a typical submissive. The outside world has little if no chance of understanding. I find it ironic that in our BDSM world we talk of trust and honesty and actually adhere to it. A luxury that is only afforded in my opinion due to the like mindedness and therefor tolerance of those involve. I've always entered any vanilla relationship wanting honesty but in the end ones dishonesty is often driven by the intolerances of ones partner.

Over the last 33 years my submissiveness has changed, dare I say matured. The early years were highly sexually charged, that slowly mellowed until I reached a point about 6 years ago when I thought I understood my own nature. A London Domme who I regularly used to visit would spank paddle and cane me to a point where she captivated me totally, where I was broken, I was simply hers for the time I was with her and she could do whatever she wanted with me at that point. It was a wonderful point, but things have changed now because it's a point that I now live in permanently. I'm permanently and wonderfully broken. I only have to think of Eliza and I have a deep desire to drop to my knees. Despite any beating I receive, despite any BDSM delight she desires to inflict I feel safe, I feel looked after, a paradox that only us in this community would understand.

Very few submissive men would claim this fetish to be totally non sexual. I certainly don't. My sexuality is clearly my biggest energy in my submissiveness and I love what it brings to me. I am naturally sexually submissive. At first though it's all it ever was. I never even considered the aspect of servitude when I started this journey. It was all about the sexual act. The idea of being controlled out of session was totally alien to me until way into my 30's. Now I love it. The rules in which I serve under are vital to me. They are now the cornerstone. I love being tested. I adore my training getting tougher and tougher. I adore having a mind projected better person to serve and be controlled by. It's even better now because my Mistress Eliza is a far better human than I. Making it so easy. I'm so very lucky.

There is a saying in our community. Safe,Sane and Consensual. It's a good adage. Adhere to it and we'll all keep safe and keep the legislators away from our desires too. However when trust is total then things drift a little from that rigid rule. If I had a safe word with my Mistress I wouldn't feel that what we had wasn't real. I trust her and she can read me. She can see how I'm doing. She knows she has the consent to punish me  way beyond my comfort. Quite frankly it wouldn't be punishment otherwise would it? In our other BDSM play she knows full well I love being trained. I like my limits being stretched. I want to be the best submissive for her that I can be. Eliza has introduced me to new delights too, purely because I have an open mind. I do of course have hard limits and there some BDSM practices I find a total bore but letting go completely is wonderfully magical. It is simply BDSM nirvana.

I hope you've enjoyed this. Next week I'll tackle Chastity there will also be an extra post. It's been written by another one of My Mitsress' subs. It'll be his viewpoint.